Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Randomize