But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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