Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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