New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
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HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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