I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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