and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
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You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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