Pappa wants mamma naked
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How naked do you want me to be?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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