Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Randomize
Follow @tfln