i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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