I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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