I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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