whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
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Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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