Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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