i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
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I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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