Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Let's get the cat blown out
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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