when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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