I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
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I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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