They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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