I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize