Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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