sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize