all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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