You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize