We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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