Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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