i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
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I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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