I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
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sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
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I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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