Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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