She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize