I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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