If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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