so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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