I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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