Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize