When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
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You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
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Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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