New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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