"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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