I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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