You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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