I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
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I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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