So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
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Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
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The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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