I need help removing her.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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