we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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