new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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