hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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