I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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