Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
this is an emotional support booty call
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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