Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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