its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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