She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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